Oct 8, 2019
Love, Death, Robots, Boredom,
Stupidity, Nothingness, and more.
THE MODERN HIDALGO: Entry_053.
Written: Tuesday. October 8, 2019.
Today’s sort of a failure. Sort of. I wasn’t able to exercise today. Not a big deal, I was feeling a bit burnt out of exercising since I did it 6 times last week. Today just felt so dull and lifeless. I didn’t know what I was gonna do today. I know what I’m supposed to do, it’s just that I didn’t mentally prepare myself to do them. That’s why I didn’t end up doing it.
Today also felt so boring. It’s like having to deal with a routine every time I have to eat downstairs by the dining area. I have to listen to my mom as she tries to speak in English. Since my Tito Eugene lives in Canada right now and is learning to speak in English, my mom developed this stupid idea of trying out speaking in English. But it ends up being a caricature of the Language. If you’re a Filipino, who happens to speak in English fluently, write in English fluently, and even think in English fluently, then you know the struggles of hearing someone who speaks fluent Tagalog try to speak in English. It’s like they’re making fun of a totally different language that’s been around for millennia, that it sounds just stupid hearing them try to speak in another tongue.
Mind my french, but fuck these people.
In other news, I had attempted to video-record myself for the “A Man With A Thousand Books” documentary series that I’m trying to develop as early as possible. I’m two years in already, if we’re talking technicalities. Because I had started buying multitudes of books (multitude seems like a strong term. Maybe ‘a lot’) back in 2018. It is already 2019. Almost 2020, And I’ve only read about 33 books, but have bought double that number. Maybe more, I dunno.
I sort of failed to meet my expectations when it came to video-recording myself. I thought I had it figured out. It seemed so clear in my head of what was gonna happen when I started to video myself for the documentation project. But when it came to actually talking in front of the camera, I was a blank page. I didn’t know what to say or talk about. I mean, I was able to do it, just very sloppily.
So I had written a sort of script that I would then read, so that my thoughts were easily translated. I find it very hard to communicate my thoughts to an audience, even if I’m all alone in my room. The words, they come out like garbage.
And maybe other factors had something to do with it. I guess the massive scale of the project is starting to weigh on me. I underestimated it too much. I have to re-think some stuff.
As they say, “Failing to Plan is Planning to Fail”.
If I want this to look good once I’ve finished it, then I gotta prepare for it. And prepare for it I shall.
I also just spent a lot of my time watching The Twilight Zone (Season 3). Also like 1 episode of the 2019 Reboot. I didn’t like it, really. I feel like the run-time of almost an hour is very much redundant. 23–25 minutes for each episode, like in the original series, is enough of a run-time for this sort of series.
Look at Love, Death, and Robots. Each episode of that series only lasts 10 minutes on average. And I’m already waiting for season 2.
When it comes to Twilight Zone 2019 though, I can’t say the same thing. I’ve found it hard to watch each episode (I’m at episode 4 so far). Because the run-time really drags. Like, Sometimes I get the lesson of the episode already, but its still only half-way through, so there’s definitely still a plot-twist waiting by the end, right? Oh wait, no? There’s no plot-twist? What do you mean the plot-twist was already showed? That’s not a good plot-twist then.
*The ranting goes on and on for about 50 minutes or so, before it ends on a very stupid plot-twist*
I just hope that the next 6 episodes would redeem this series for me. I had high hopes for Jordan Peele, especially for this series. But man, I don’t like the 2019 reboot so far.
Still haven’t done anything significant when it comes to the “graduation roadblock” artworks that I have to be doing. I’ll probably do it tomorrow. Hopefully.
But yeah, most of today was just a dull moment. I need some like re-enforcing of my spirit, of my energy, of my enthusiasm to do shit.
I need coffee.
I feel like I’ve solved the problem to this Journal of mine, and why I feel like a lot of my entries are dull and lifeless. It’s because those days are dull and lifeless. Nothing important happens on those days. Much like today. That’s why I find it hard to write about these days, because it’s very boring. Nothing’s interesting about it.
I could be talking about the thousand books project, but I feel like I’ll juice myself of it too much. So, not gonna do that.
Maybe I should go out more again, like I used to within the first few months of this year. I don’t go to malls or bookstores that often anymore. Not because I don’t have the money to buy books…actually, yeah, I don’t have money to buy books.
Let me rephrase that. I don’t have money to buy expensive books. But I always have money to buy Bargain Books.
But even still, I haven’t been going to Chapters & Pages in a while now. Though I did go to Book Sale yesterday. But still, though…I’m bored out of my mind inside this house of ours.
I thought I liked it. At first, I did. But when I realized that the noises of the vehicles passing by the street can be heard in my videos, I was like, “I gotta leave this place one day”. Or buy a good enough mic. Or that fuckin’ camera with the flip screen that I’ve always wanted!
Somebody please grant me my wish, god dammit!
