Inner Machinations: Entry_024.

Written: Monday. December 28, 2020.

A few days left to this year. I kind of don’t know what to do anymore with it. I’m probably gonna use it all up to procrastinate. I’ll binge-watch shows, watch the Back to the Future Trilogy once again as an annual routine. I’m trying to think of the word that better fits “routine”, but my mind’s not letting me remember it right now.

Anyway, I was let down by the ending of Neon Genesis Evangelion. I was amazed by the anime at first, but the ending was all psychological bullshit to me. It’s not an ending at all. I guess the writers sort of steered way to far into the “sympathetic” route, rather than make a good mecha anime for the audiences. It was really good at the beginning of the series, but as you got to the end (specifically the last two episodes) nothing really happens to the story. It’s just a bunch of quick cut scenes where people with epileptic symptoms might trigger it just by watching these scenes.

I haven’t been writing lately. It’s been a few months of just nothing, really. I dunno. It’s just not something I’m thinking about recently.

But I have been more interested in going back to doing Pixel Art and doing video edits. Maybe I’ve just reached a certain point where my subconscious is fed up because I’ve been writing and writing and writing a whole bunch of stuff, yet nothing’s really happening to these stories of mine. It’s not being read by a whole lot of people. It’s not being read at all. I know that it’s sort of egotistic to think that way, where in order for me to feel validated for my work, I have to get people reading my shit. And it’s sort of getting toxic, really. I just wanna go back to the me that wants to write stuff because he wants to see his ideas come to life inside of a page. Or I guess doing art and making videos actually gives me that sort of satisfaction or validation, more than when I write my heart out on a story I’ve been working on or sitting on inside my head for how many god damned years now.

I did have the slight urge to write a Liyabe Short Story a week back, but that was probably only because of the shitty thing that happened in the news, of that policeman killing two citizens in broad daylight, without even giving second-thoughts. But besides that issue, I haven’t had the urge to write at all.

I’m currently watching Raised by Wolves, and Hilda, and Fantasy High Season 2 (cause I just finished watching season 1 yesterday again). I’m downloading this new cartoon series called Onyx Equinox. It’s a bloody cartoon; probably not for the eyes of children. I haven’t watched it yet, but I saw a trailer of it, and boy was it filled with gore.

I haven’t been watching Boruto as much these past few days. I’m at the point where I’ve reached the subbed episodes (cause the dubbed ones are not yet around). It’s bad enough that I gotta read while I fucking watch something right in front of me, but not everything I get to watch this way is even of good quality. I hate it when I meet people who hate people who watch dubbed anime just cause they prefer it that way. Have they ever considered the fact that maybe the dubbed version is actually good? Like, try watching a scene and trying to get emotional while watching the scene, but you have to read what’s being said, and what’s being said is a whole fucking paragraph worth of shit going 500–600 words per minute in the lower portion of the screen, and you have to fucking go back and re-read the dialogue cause you weren’t fast enough to understand what they were saying…that shit is frustrating as fuck.

I’m finally done reading The Fires of Heaven. I’m now reading Lord of Chaos. The prologue was very long. So I’m just sort of overwhelmed today. That’s how I’d put my emotion today as: Overwhelmingly tiring.

Written: Wednesday. December 30, 2020.

The Lord of Chaos is getting interesting. That’s only as much as I could say for the moment, since I’ve only read two chapters since the last time I added to this entry.

I’m still on that 3-chapters-then-switch routine. Wherein I would read 3 chapters of one book, and then switch to the alternative book I’m reading. That way, I read two books somewhat simultaneously, for reason in which it makes reading not so dull and boring. But maybe in the future, I might come back into reading one book at a time. I mean, the only real reason for me to read two books at a time is because I’m currently reading the Wheel of Time, which is a 15-book fantasy series. Truly an epic tale of Light versus Darkness.

I would state that The Wheel of Time is similar to Star Wars, since both worlds/universes have its light side and dark side. But the Wheel of Time is more Fantasy and Politics. Whereas Star Wars leans more towards Science Fantasy. But yes, they are quite similar.

I’m now re-watching my favorite movie trilogy of all time, the Back to the Future Trilogy. I’m down to one movie left, the third and final of the three, which is also my most favorite of them all. I’m also currently downloading the animated series, and will be watching it after I’m done watching the trilogy.

I’m thinking of making a video to express my passion towards Back to the Future. I’ll start doing it next year, which is literally only a day and a few hours from now. Next year in general is going to be a year where I go all out on productivity. I’ll focus more on doing Pixel Art. If I have a video idea, I’ll see to it that the video that I produce is well polished. I’ll try going back to writing, since I clearly fell short of it in the latter quarter of 2020.

In other news: a few days ago, my dad revealed to us that some of my relatives have given us the privilege of money. I have 1,500 Pesos in my name this holiday season, and instead of getting my money physically, I decided that I’d put this money into my dad’s Bitcoin account. He’s started investing on bitcoin, you see, and I probably just chose to put that money on bitcoin cause I don’t really know what I’d be doing with the money if I happen to have it physically.

I mean, it’s still the fucking pandemic, so money isn’t really a thing that I could use since I can’t go out and go the mall and purchase a second-hand book or whatever. That money would just dissolve into nothing in my hands cause I know I’d only spend it either on purchasing another bluetooth controller, or a premium app, etc.

I’d rather have my money grow while the world is still in chaos.

In other good news: Hilda is such a fantastic cartoon series! It’s too pure, it’s too amazing. I just finished re-watching season 1, and now that I’m finally watching season 2, I don’t wanna watch all of it in one day, cause then I’d have to wait a long time again until season 3 arrives on Netflix. And season 3 isn’t even sure yet, based on my brief research. The world needs more of Hilda, because Hilda could literally save the world with its purity.

Written: Friday. January 1, 2021.

Today is a new year. Today, I finally changed my bed sheets, cleaned our room, and cleaned my desk. Oh, and I cleaned the bottom of my laptop, which was covered in sticky fluid that came out of the monitor. It’s a thing that’s been happening to my laptop for a year or so now, and I honestly just cleaned it for the sake of celebrating the coming of a new year.

I haven’t started any new major project yet. Mainly because I’ve been sneezing my nose off the whole day — still am, really. It comes as a package whenever I clean the dust off of, well, anything and everything. But hey, what can you do?

I won’t claim that this year is gonna be different than last year. It’s either gonna go great, or go wrong. More worse than how 2020 ended up being, honestly. But if I think hard enough that this year will be better, will be more productivity-centered, then maybe the law of attraction theory just might pan out.

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